He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
