Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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