Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
