Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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