I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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