Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
