oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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