Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
