Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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