I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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