How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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