playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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