yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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