He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
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He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
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Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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