It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
