all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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