Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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