Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
