dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
