My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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