I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
