Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
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Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
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You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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