just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
