dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
