Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
