I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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