This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
