Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
