please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
