I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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