the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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