Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
