Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
