that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
