i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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