I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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