i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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