You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
