Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
