His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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