fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
