Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
