Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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