omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
