We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
