Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
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Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize