I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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