Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
