If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
