I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
