i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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