He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
