he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
