i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
