hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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