How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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