don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
