yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
