he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
