I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
how drunk are you?
Several
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
