Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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