I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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